About Ready

I can leave. All of it, I can leave it all behind now. I feel like I can breathe without having to worry about what's going to happen next. I've been there because I didn't know where else I could go. And I didn't know how else to behave. Where I stood or what I was there for. So I was left in the position to remember why, why was I there. Did I love or like being there? No. I couldn't find a reason anymore. The feeling wasn't comfortable -- it didn't feel like home. I could stay use to it if I was listless and hopeful, but in the light of things, I see that nothing can come from it. I'm ready to be left. I'm ready to leave. And soon enough, I'll let this be known.

My Heart

My heart is hurting. I can feel it. It's pain. It's real pain.

Devastating

I'm fuming, so mad, so upset. Like I could break a brick wall with my bare fists. You know I just put myself out there because why? To be understood, because that's whats wanted and that's what people say they need. So I do. And I realize, there's no (swears) use. They only hear you and yet they never turn a cover to understand you. Consideration, sympathy, empathy, gratitude, they don't understand those emotions and don't know how to give them. Better yet, they don't even know when it's appropriate to stop being the opposite of those things--the only feelings they do know how to give. The worse part is, these people, I've known them for several years now. Yet somehow they still don't get it. They never did and they never will apparently. It's so upsetting how you have to give up on someone after all that time just because they don't know how to feel a little. Anything, I ask for anything, and nothing is what I get.

Pieces

Some people say you have to take the good with the bad. They say it's not worth crying over. They say that you'll be okay. They say not to worry. They say you will eventually move on. They say you can learn from your mistakes. They say you'll learn from your experience. They say everything happens for a reason. They say, they say, they say. Everyday I wonder what I'm doing. Reluctant to realize I'm probably the only one so apt to ask myself that question and not know what the answer is to follow. There are days when I ask myself if it's worth it. Other days I remind myself so immensely that it is. Then the days that follow where I'm positive it's not. And then I lose sight of myself and the circumstance. I then realize I am bias each day. The days I say it's not worth it and do nothing about it, are the days I think I can continue to put up with it-- that my heart won't feel anything if I did something about so I might as well do nothing about it-- I'm my strongest then. The days I say it is worth it and do nothing about it, are the days I think I'm weak because I can't manage to cough up the words to make my thoughts known of where things stand. A confusing cycle that, I only , knowingly and apparently, think about. I'm not strong. I'm weak because I can't talk about it. Because I keep it all in. I'm weak because I know I probably can move on with my life and I'm weak because I know I probably can't. Pieces, words, phrases, they don't make sense in my head and they don't make sense written. They say, they say, they say-- yet they, however, do not know.

Mask

Everyone has something to hide. Everyone has a fear they're ashamed to show. Everyone has the human ability to feel embarrassed and yet they do whatever they can to cover that facet up.