Vocabulary

I decided to take a few words out of it as follows. #1: Love. #2: Hate. #3: Cheat. #4: Jealousy. #5 Anger. #6: Payback. #7: Lies. So I reread a few past entries and I'm nauseous with this self-pity crap of everything that has to do with him. I needed him before because he secured my insecurities. He was there when I didn't want to be alone. He was my support when I needed it. But now? But now I've found independence and found happiness in the little things I have and probably never paid great attention to in the past. Family, certain friends, books, writing, blogging, scheduling, organizing, cleaning, shopping, music, driving. Yeah.. it's all the little things. So here is to the seven words and why I'm going to stop using them or thinking about them with anything regarding my life and my self. Number one: Love-- I'm taking it out because it's overly used and it's not even genuine anymore. They throw that word around like nothing. Anyway, that word makes things complicated. With the ideal that I am trying to be as optimistic as I can, I don't need it, what I need is happiness, yes that includes momentarily happiness, whatever that means. You know, like fun, the works. Number two: Hate-- I'm taking it out because I've had too much of it, like seriously. The grudges, the pain to hold on to hate. I don't need it. I don't want it! Number three: Cheat-- well, I meant cheating but you get the root word. I don't need cheating in anything. I don't want to hear about someone cheating on someone, I don't want to feel what it's like to be cheated on ever again. I don't want to render memories with that damned and disgusting and disgraceful word. Number four: Jealousy-- I don't care for it, everyone can do what they want with whomever they want, friends can go out with other friends, girlfriends can do what they want, boyfriends can do whoever they want. Whatever! Just don't want to hear the word. I had too much of it before. It can drive you well.. a little insane. Number five: Anger--- I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy. I'm healthy, I have loving parents, I go to a great school, I have a selected amount of great friends that can turn most of my frowns upside down with a few jokes and I like my clothes and bags and sunglasses and yes, sometimes material things do count. Number six: Payback-- I don't want any payback. That's how cycles of betrayal and all that crap continue. So cheers to me breaking one less cycle in love-hate relationships! Number seven: Lies. Lies will either come back to haunt you or you just feel guilty (well some people who have any sort of conscience would at least). But yeah! Here is to a goodbye to those seven words, amongst other things. Be happy, be glad, live, and live without regrets! Spread the .. well I can't say love.. so spread the happiness and the smiles! Be happy! Make the most of it all!!! Yup yup.. I don't thing this optimistic turn will last me a day. Here's to trying =]

Someone

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's desire. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed for the fear of future pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of human beings. It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be unfaithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the moon "Yes!" it doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

Risk

When you feel alone, you feel like there's nothing to lose. So why not risk it all? And for what? Something lame and something meaningless? When the world is falling around you, either you fall with it or, you pick yourself up and keep walking. You can always do more. There is never enough to share, to be done, or to give. Even when others seemingly disappoint you.The thing is, sometimes, even more than others, it's not worth it.

"Proactive"

So the term was coined by the psychiatrist Victor Frankl. In Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl describes how a person takes responsibility of his life rather than looking for causes in outside circumstances or other people. Because, even under the worst circumstances, people can make and find meaning. After having my installments of depression, loss, confusion, anger, and mishap, I guess you do realize at some point, there is only one way left to go when you hit rock bottom and that is up.