Is it so awful that I want more? Though I guess it's probably not expected of me. I feel like I'm hitting below the belt. The feelings I thought I grew out of take me aback sometimes and they are only being conjured up by the slightest attempts of story-telling. I have to be clear that there is no anger, jealousy, or hate in me but just utter want, desire, and longing. I want something real out of this life and it's been 19 years of subconsciously seeking it. Now however, I am more keen and aware of this need that I've lost interest in many things. And in just the same way, I've gained interest in other things, and it has not been fair that I still linger with those of the former. My options are held out in front of me and I still can't make a decision or at least become strong enough to go with the gut feeling that is now just pulling me under. There are meaningful things I'm looking for and everything else past and present, I just doubt that they even mattered to begin with.