Deserving

What I meant to say was, undeserving. Let's backtrack so I can explain. I woke up today, late more than usual. Two minutes late to class. And to add on to that, there was the hot burning sun to greet me. And then, somewhere in between class and home, it was like a stream of consciousness that came over me. It nudged me to remember. And what emotion was that? Depression. It's an aching feeling that likes to emerge some days more than others. But there it was. It made me think, rethink, and over-think... everything. It makes me hate the past I had to go through just to get where I am. I mentioned today, to him, that if I could relive my past, I would change everything. I meant it. Even if I wouldn't have ended up where I am right now. Because I honestly don't believe that the ends justify the means. No matter how happy I am now, I don't think I needed to go through all the pain that I was dealt with. On another note, there's a side of me that is so unlike the person I want to be. It's filled with jealousy and insecurity and hopelessness. He called. Write in here in a bit.